Whining.

I'm not very happy today. I just thought I'd warn you ahead of time.

Generally, I make a big attempt to be an upbeat, encouraging person. But I'm pretty down today, and if I can't whine a bit here, where can I?

I feel terrible again. I can't really decide if I've felt badly all along and just had hope that it would get better, or if I had some points where I really felt good. But, today I'm discouraged and I really feel yucky.

I'm pretty sure I know what the culprit is. I'm eating too much almond butter. For whatever reason, my body can handle it to a point, but then there is this line I cross and it all goes downhill. It is SO HARD for me to stay away from it though. My kids don't seem to have the same struggles with it, and they are eating a lot of it, probably too much for them too. But how, when I'm feeding it to the kids all the time, do I avoid eating it myself? It's so quick and easy - we just eat it off a spoon.

I confess...I get tired of meat. I get tired of animal fat. Some days It grosses me out to be eating a bowl of soup and crunch down on some part of chicken that is unidentifiable. I'm craving light, cold food, but so many of the intro foods before that point aren't working for me that I wonder if I'm ready for that. I want a hamburger and fries like you wouldn't believe. I want to take my family out to eat and not be sick, to just be able to sit around a table and enjoy food like normal people.

I'm tired of being hungry. I'm tired of feeling shaky and weak. I'm tired of smelling bad and having my entire abdomen feel bloated and gross. I'm tired of taking HCL and feeling it burn in my stomach until I take baking soda to wipe it out and know none of that meal will digest well. I'm tired of NOT taking HCL and feeling a lump in my stomach where the food is just rotting. I'm tired of being dizzy and foggy after taking my anti fungals. I'm tired of running out of things like broth and knowing we have no money to buy chicken backs until payday. I'm tired of spending hours in the kitchen and not having time for other things that are more important. I'm tired of making eggs for other people and being afraid to try them again myself, but there seems to be no way I would do well on them when I'm already feeling badly.

We are daily, hourly, making the choice to continue this diet because we know it is the right thing for us. I mean, we felt terrible before we started, feeling terrible now isn't that much different. And we have seen huge improvements in the members of our family that didn't have severe digestive issues. I know it works. I have no plan to abandon it. But friends, I'm tired and discouraged today. God, I really need a breakthrough for ME...