Processing

There are several things going on for which I have no answers right now. Here's a peek into my "journal" of thoughts for today:

The egg didn't work for me. I had one soft boiled egg at breakfast and had almost immediate diarrhea. I think I prefer that to the dizziness. So we step back. I'm determined not to get discouraged about that. It's obvious that healing is taking place and things are changing. I'm not sure whether to pull egg entirely, or to try just egg yolk tomorrow. Many people can tolerate egg yolk but not white. As much as I dread feeling badly if it doesn't work, I think I will attempt yolk tomorrow. I'll know within a day or two if it works, and then I can move on. Audrey has done great with soft boiled eggs, which I'm happy about and so is she!

I was craving almond butter SO badly this afternoon, so I allowed myself a spoonful. I haven't had any in a few weeks. It is two steps away still, after ghee and avocado.

We have had multiple arguments over drinking broth this week. I'm so tired of those. At lunch today, rather than allowing her to pour it into a sippy cup and walk around with it (which has been ending in sippy cups with three inches of cold broth left in the living room), I required Audrey to sit at the table while she finished. She was very sad about it, and I was compassionate but firm with her. She likes to play around at the table until everyone is done eating, and then gets very sad about being left at the table to finish. I don't know how to handle this except to let natural consequences teach her to eat while people are there. It's very hard for me to make her sit there alone, and I often sit with her. But I can't always do that. This too shall pass, but I'm a little sad and weary of the fight today.

Hannah has her own struggles. She is hungry, or at least says she is, all the time. Still. I keep hoping this will stop. They say that the first 6-8 weeks are like that and then it levels off. The rest of us seem to have settled down appetite-wise. The thing that makes it hard with her, is she's always been like that. As a baby, she used to eat 3 jars of baby food and then vomit because her stomach was too full. I always thought it was related to her gluten intolerance, but now I think it might just be habit. It's very frustrating for us to have just finished a meal, gotten it cleaned up, and she's already back at my elbow asking for more food. Is it boredom? Could she possibly get hungry again that quickly? Should I kindly tell her that she's had enough or let her gorge herself? How do these issues affect her as she grows up? I so want her to have a healthy perspective on food and her weight, etc. I am so careful not to make comments about gaining weight or anything along those lines. It's always about whether her tummy is full or not. But it never. gets. full. Also, every night when we put her to bed, she says her tummy hurts, and sometimes she says she needs to throw up but never does. This is eerie to me, because I went through a phase at about her age where I was terrified of throwing up, and had panic attacks related to thinking I was going to throw up every night. We thought it was related to a child in our church dying of meningitis, but I can't help but wonder if our fears are completely related and due to some deficiency, or genetic response to...something... That kind of psychological issue is probably a GAPS issue anyway, so even if I don't understand it the diet will address it. But still, eerie. And could it be because her stomach is too full, or too empty, or...?

Audrey has been amazing me with her ability to eat salicylates when taking No-Fenol. Her legs were very sore with reintroducing salicylates, and after a week on the enzymes she is healing up! Hannah's potty accidents have also dropped off on No-Fenol, which is pretty exciting. Those are not a long-term solution, but the diet is that long-term solution. Now we also have a short-term solution. Thank God.